{"id":2959,"date":"2008-04-08T12:54:51","date_gmt":"2008-04-08T10:54:51","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.conradstoltz.com\/who-need-chuck-norris-when-you-have-conrad-stoltz\/"},"modified":"2008-04-08T12:54:51","modified_gmt":"2008-04-08T10:54:51","slug":"who-needs-chuck-norris-when-you-have-conrad-stoltz","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.conradstoltz.com\/index.php\/who-needs-chuck-norris-when-you-have-conrad-stoltz\/","title":{"rendered":"Who needs Chuck Norris when you have Conrad Stoltz?!"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><img src='https:\/\/www.conradstoltz.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2008\/04\/conrad_stoltz_vs_bruce_lee_1.jpg' alt='Conrad Stoltz vs Bruce Lee' \/><\/p>\n<p>I found this email from a fan in the archives and it brought a smile on my face.  Thanks Kevin!<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;Dude, you are one tough nut. Get better soon. We here in Chicago have all decided you are even way tougher than our icon, <strong>Chuck Norris<\/strong>, thus some important facts \u2013 see below.<\/p>\n<p>Be good. &#8211; Kevin<\/p>\n<p><!--more--><\/p>\n<p>When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Conrad Stoltz.<\/p>\n<p>Conrad Stoltz doesn&#8217;t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.<\/p>\n<p>There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Conrad Stoltz has allowed to live.<\/p>\n<p>Outer space exists because it&#8217;s afraid to be on the same planet with Conrad Stoltz.<\/p>\n<p>Conrad Stoltz does not sleep. He waits.<\/p>\n<p>Conrad Stoltz is the reason why Waldo is hiding.<\/p>\n<p>Conrad Stoltz counted to infinity &#8211; twice.<\/p>\n<p>When Conrad Stoltz does a pushup, he isn\u2019t lifting himself up, he\u2019s pushing the Earth down.<\/p>\n<p>Conrad Stoltz is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.<\/p>\n<p><img src='https:\/\/www.conradstoltz.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2008\/04\/conrad_stoltz_vs_bruce_lee_2.jpg' alt='Conrad Stoltz vs Bruce Lee' \/><\/p>\n<p>Conrad Stoltz\u2019 hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.<\/p>\n<p>There is no such thing as global warming. Conrad Stoltz was cold, so he turned the sun up.<\/p>\n<p>Conrad Stoltz can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.<\/p>\n<p>Conrad Stoltz doesn\u2019t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.<\/p>\n<p>Conrad Stoltz gave Mona Lisa that smile.<\/p>\n<p>Conrad Stoltz can slam a revolving door.<\/p>\n<p>Conrad Stoltz does not get frostbite. Conrad Stoltz bites frost&#8221;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>I found this email from a fan in the archives and it brought a smile on my face. Thanks Kevin! &#8220;Dude, you are one tough nut. Get better soon. We here in Chicago have all decided you are even way tougher than our icon, Chuck Norris, thus some important facts \u2013 see below. Be good. [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[47,73,78,113],"tags":[304,346,347,348,1754,369,496,497,537,653,1836],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v14.5 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow\" \/>\n<meta name=\"googlebot\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<meta name=\"bingbot\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.conradstoltz.com\/index.php\/who-needs-chuck-norris-when-you-have-conrad-stoltz\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Who needs Chuck Norris when you have Conrad Stoltz?! - Conrad Stoltz XTERRA Triathlete\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"I found this email from a fan in the archives and it brought a smile on my face. Thanks Kevin! &#8220;Dude, you are one tough nut. Get better soon. We here in Chicago have all decided you are even way tougher than our icon, Chuck Norris, thus some important facts \u2013 see below. Be good. [&hellip;]\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.conradstoltz.com\/index.php\/who-needs-chuck-norris-when-you-have-conrad-stoltz\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Conrad Stoltz XTERRA Triathlete\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/conradstoltzcom\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2008-04-08T10:54:51+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/www.conradstoltz.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2008\/04\/conrad_stoltz_vs_bruce_lee_1.jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@ConradStoltz\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:site\" content=\"@ConradStoltz\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.conradstoltz.com\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.conradstoltz.com\/\",\"name\":\"Conrad Stoltz XTERRA Triathlete\",\"description\":\"7 x World Champion\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":\"https:\/\/www.conradstoltz.com\/?s={search_term_string}\",\"query-input\":\"required name=search_term_string\"}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.conradstoltz.com\/index.php\/who-needs-chuck-norris-when-you-have-conrad-stoltz\/#primaryimage\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.conradstoltz.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2008\/04\/conrad_stoltz_vs_bruce_lee_1.jpg\"},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.conradstoltz.com\/index.php\/who-needs-chuck-norris-when-you-have-conrad-stoltz\/#webpage\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.conradstoltz.com\/index.php\/who-needs-chuck-norris-when-you-have-conrad-stoltz\/\",\"name\":\"Who needs Chuck Norris when you have Conrad Stoltz?! - Conrad Stoltz XTERRA Triathlete\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.conradstoltz.com\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.conradstoltz.com\/index.php\/who-needs-chuck-norris-when-you-have-conrad-stoltz\/#primaryimage\"},\"datePublished\":\"2008-04-08T10:54:51+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2008-04-08T10:54:51+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.conradstoltz.com\/#\/schema\/person\/7492469835beefe37b4d018e3443d2dd\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/www.conradstoltz.com\/index.php\/who-needs-chuck-norris-when-you-have-conrad-stoltz\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":[\"Person\"],\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.conradstoltz.com\/#\/schema\/person\/7492469835beefe37b4d018e3443d2dd\",\"name\":\"Conrad\"}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.conradstoltz.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2959"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.conradstoltz.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.conradstoltz.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.conradstoltz.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.conradstoltz.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2959"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.conradstoltz.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2959\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.conradstoltz.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2959"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.conradstoltz.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2959"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.conradstoltz.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2959"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}