Category: Story time

Owwwww! Rated PG13 (VL) 2005.

And why I’m not racing Xterra Temecula coming Sunday(2005):

It all happened on a sunny afternoon about 6 weeks ago. As usual, I played my own little “carry all the groceries in one trip” game. A 15 kilogram bag of potatoes (Caveman staple diet) obscured my view of the trail leading up to my cave, but hey, being in familiar territory, I climbed the 3 steps leading up to my cave entrance blind…

The previous nights’ Warthog casserole must have been a bit off, which in turn threw my stride pattern out, causing me to miss the first step. Almost. Actually, my big toe nail did make the step. The rest of my foot not. So the big toe nail had to carry the not-so-inconsiderable weight of not only one Caveman, but also about 30kilos in groceries! Lets just say the nail didn’t stand up to the task. But it did stand straight up in the air. For a moment I could see it pointing at the bright blue African sky, but only for a split second, as it was quickly obscured by large volumes of blood spurting from the hole where my big toe nail used to be.

So that was the lesser injury.
The real hurt happened when I fell with the bent knee of my other leg straight onto the sharp lip of the 3rd step. Lets just say it was #&$@! sore. I couldn’t assess the damage, as I was seeing stars, and the blood was flowing like a river. Think Amazon river. The dog loved it.
knee.jpg
Eventually ran out of blood after 3 hour ride.

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A short story about my training…

great white shark

This I wrote for the 2002 Lifetime Fitness Triathlon brochure.  They asked us to “talk trash”- a new experience to me, so I let loose and talked trash!

In my 15 years in triathlon I’ve learnt a few lessons:

One is: THE MORE GEAR YOU HAVE, THE FASTER YOU GO. Ok, I have TONS of gear. The newest, fastest, lightest, flashiest gear on the market. Hell, some of the stuff I ride can’t be found on the market. It is so high tech and secretive, I had to kill the engineers just to keep the secret.

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Life on the road…

Cahors, France

Life on the road. By Conrad Stoltz

France, 1996.

Triathlon heaven, those years. I was the youngest of a handful of South Africans racing for a village called Cahors in the Sud Ouest of France. Every weekend  we’d travel to races, chasing money, glory and adventure.

Getting to races was tricky, and usually we’d hitch rides with French fellow club members. If races were far away we had to take the train, and depended on race organizers to meet us at the station.

I was on a hot streak and decided to travel the 6 hours by train to Narbonne for “le Triathlon Internationale de Narbonne”. I traveled solo, and as it was a relatively big race, the organizer agreed to meet me at the train station and provide accommodation for a night. Once at Narbonne station, the story took a twist:

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Broken arm. Caveman solution to cast. 2005

arm.jpg

Custom made #CavemanCast. Patent pending.

My 2005 off season reading was Lee McCormack & Brian Lopes’ book on mountain biking skills. As a fairly competent mountain biker, I was amazed at how much there is still to learn about the art of making an off road bicycle go fast.

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The story of Rory

Elephant Tales- by Rory Mackie

This is one the most hectic stories I have ever heard. Ror has told it many times- the details changing depending on how many beers he’s had and who the audience is. But here is the original version. Before the beers and before the legendary story grew tails.

Rory is from Zimbabwe: “where they breed us tough” he would always say. Rory and I lived and trained together for 2 years at the Olympic Training Center in Colorado Springs, USA and my home in Stellenbosch, South Africa.

Rory, young and eager, always tackles the bull by its horns (he still lives in Harare despite the utter chaos thanks to despot Robert Mugabe)  He used to be the most reckless on this bike down mountain passes, he would hit the track workouts 110%, we built the biggest potato gun in Colorado, and oh yes, Ror won the under 23 ITU Duathlon Worlds Champs in 2003.

We are both adventurers, but this time Ror took it 1 step too far…

He wrote this piece in 2003- shortly after his release from hospital- instead of getting ready for the Athens Olympics- where he should have been representing Zim in triathlon.

We have many interesting, read “hair raising” stories- and great memories – surely to be included in my autobiography one day, but this one takes the cake. Sensitive readers, go get some hankies…

“As I am finally sitting down and writing my story I am still sweating from my first training session. It has been 8 weeks since I have been able to exercise. I call it training but it was only a 15 minute ride on a spinning bike, but man it felt good, there were times when I thought that this day would never arrive.

ele1.jpg

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Story Time

Cavegirl on the way!!!

Cavegirl on the way!!!
Liezel and I are happy to announce our baby girl on the way! We are 23 weeks in, #PrincessHotstuff is fit and trim, and for me, time is not moving fast enough!  Due date 15-5-15. Suuuuper excited prix viagra en pharmacie! With these genes, she’ll be shooting hoops while wheelie-ing at the age of 3. […]
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Being the Caveman is hard work- have been busy…

Being the Caveman is hard work- have been busy…
As you all know, its easy to overindulge and pack on the pounds during the festive season, so Cross Training is a key ingredient to keeping the Caveman fit and flexable. Gotta keep on top of skills training too. Breakfast sure wasnt pretty. But its all part of the food chain… Like I said, being […]
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Caveman wins in mountain region of Scanno at XTERRA Italy

Caveman wins in mountain region of Scanno at XTERRA Italy
XTERRA Italy has the most amazing course! Parts through the old mountain town of Scanno. To the tune of "eye of the tiger" (thanks DJ Jack!) Caveman wins XTERRA Italy by 4 minutes. XTERRA Italy made is debut in the idyllic mountain town of Scanno, in the province of Abruzzo. In terms of the culture […]
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Caveman’s specialized equipment choices in quest for 7th World title

Caveman’s specialized equipment choices in quest for 7th World title
#aeroiseverything #soisfattyres #dittohorsepower ITU Cross Triathlon Worlds 2013 Long version Cross Tri Worlds Highlights. (Short version- 2.40) Racing through the dunes, stairs and sidewalks of Holland proved a fertile ground for innovative equipment choices.  From the video you can get a feel for the course- but the real test was the long sections of deep, […]
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a Caveman car for a Caveman situation…

a Caveman car for a Caveman situation…
Caveman’s Stellenbosch Kelfords Ford Fietsta Ambiente 1.4 [Open letter to friend and owner of Kelfords Ford and Mazda in Somerset West, South Africa] Dear Tristan, Thank you very much for the use of your wonderful little Ford Fiesta. We love the fuel economy, (5.9L per 100km) the nippy handling, the voice activated, hands free phone […]
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Cheers to a remarkable 2012

Cheers to a remarkable 2012
18 races, 1 World Title (ITU Cross Tri), my 10th XTERRA USA Series title, 10 victories, 16 podiums and many many special memories. My sporting highlight was winning my 2nd ITU Cross Triathlon World Title in Pelham Alabama, USA. a Personal highlight was sharing the entire year and all the remarkable experiences with my gorgeous […]
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