Owwwww! Rated PG13 (VL) 2005.

And why I’m not racing Xterra Temecula coming Sunday(2005):

It all happened on a sunny afternoon about 6 weeks ago. As usual, I played my own little “carry all the groceries in one trip” game. A 15 kilogram bag of potatoes (Caveman staple diet) obscured my view of the trail leading up to my cave, but hey, being in familiar territory, I climbed the 3 steps leading up to my cave entrance blind…

The previous nights’ Warthog casserole must have been a bit off, which in turn threw my stride pattern out, causing me to miss the first step. Almost. Actually, my big toe nail did make the step. The rest of my foot not. So the big toe nail had to carry the not-so-inconsiderable weight of not only one Caveman, but also about 30kilos in groceries! Lets just say the nail didn’t stand up to the task. But it did stand straight up in the air. For a moment I could see it pointing at the bright blue African sky, but only for a split second, as it was quickly obscured by large volumes of blood spurting from the hole where my big toe nail used to be.

So that was the lesser injury.
The real hurt happened when I fell with the bent knee of my other leg straight onto the sharp lip of the 3rd step. Lets just say it was #&$@! sore. I couldn’t assess the damage, as I was seeing stars, and the blood was flowing like a river. Think Amazon river. The dog loved it.

Eventually ran out of blood after 3 hour ride.
I lay on the ground and swore for about half an hour. My fellow cave inhabitants watched in awe, not daring to interfere, lest they get bitten or punched. Or something.

Once things had calmed down a bit, they did bring a family size bag of toilet rolls to try and stem the blood flow. Mustering all our first aid skills, veld lore and with some help of the dog, we managed to stem the blood flow. Maybe only because all my blood had bled out.

By then the crowd was not inconsiderable, as a group ride was supposed to leave from my cave round about then. Not one to miss out on a 3 hour bike ride, I put a bandage around my toe and a Band Aid on my knee and off we went. But by the time we were down the street the Band Aid had already bled into my shoe. Maybe I had some blood left in me after all. I cranked the Powercranks and hurt the boys, the endorphins killing most of the pain.

The next day I got stitches in my knee and was promised a dropped toe nail.

Post ride toe nail

Two weeks later I was happily riding the Cape Epic. www.cape-epic.com The worlds biggest, hardest, longest and most demented mountainbike stage race. 930km (600mi) over 8 days, with 16 000m of vertical gain. (That’s climbing Mt Everest twice!) My team mate Barry and I rode 41 hours and finished 18th, which is cool considering it was a fun(!?) training ride, and we had some serious mechanical issues. On the 7th and longest day, we rode 7h15 for the 148km. We had 4 flats, (the last one was a pump and ride pump and ride effort to the finish) one sidewall cut (which we taped with duct tape around the outside of the tire), one crash (Barry rolled his slow puncture front tire on a hairpin bend) and Barry also lost 2 of the 4 front chainring bolts, causing the chain rings to bend. We zip tied the small and middle chain rings together with cable ties, and he rode the last 60km in the big blade. Over big mountains, with empty legs, ugly road rash, duct tape around his tire, a sore ass, and a strong headwind. You da man!

Back to The Knee: The 3rd step by my cave entrance cut through the skin, through the sheath that surrounds the patellar tendon and into the tendon itself. Even though I felt no pain whatsoever*, my knee didn’t like the 41 hours of grinding and my quad started compensating to protect the knee. That’s why I now have a tear in each Achilles tendon. Ok, only little tears, but tears none the less.

So the last 3 weeks I have been getting needles shoved into my patella and Achilles, which by the way doesn’t hurt at all*, cross friction on affected ligaments, which almost puts me to sleep*, and fun exercises that I cant wait to do first thing in the morning*. As the matter of fact, I’m having the time of my life*, as I have breezed though the following trauma injuries this year:
1)    January: Broken Scaphoid, torn cartilage and stretched tendons in left hand. Bike crash. (see “The Arm” on www.conradstoltz.com)
2)    March: Cracked rib. Fell on handlebar while winning Xterra South Africa. (Still rode 6 minutes faster than anyone else)
3)    April/May: Lost my beloved right toe nail, almost split my patella in two and subsequently flooded the low lying areas of Stellenbosch with blood. (Fell up stairs with groceries.)
4)    May: Tendonosis and micro tears of both Achilles tendons. (Trying to ride from Knysna to Cape Town with one leg.)

Apart from the fact that the preparation for Temecula was dodgy, I was fully prepared to rip off some legs at this Sundays Xterra Temecula. Just like I did with dodgy preparation for Xterra South Africa. (Time off with broken Scaphoid in hand) Apparently Achilles tendons are not to be toyed with, especially with Temecula’s sandy riverbed run. So just a few hours before my flight on Tuesday, I decided not to climb on the plane. The season is long, the USA series is still winnable, but most importantly, World Champs will be mine.

Thanks for your support.
Conrad
www.conradstoltz.com

“Get well soon” flowers and chocolates welcome.

ETA for USA 28 May.

*BLATANT LIE