2 days till XTERRA. Mental prep. Lets teach the kids right.
Created on 22 February 2014
Conrad
How NOT to “support” your child.
I’m not going to wax “Pro Triathlete” here and go on about what it takes to win races. (Saving it for retirement)
Instead I want to talk about kids and sport. Because I believe these principals form an integral part of my sport psyche, and why I do what I do, and why push myself.
We dont have kids yet, but both grew up in a sporting families. I learned to walk in the discus circle where my parents taught high school kids track and field. (Athletics) I rode my first 2 wheeled bike at age 3 on a golfing green. I cant remember ever “becoming an athlete.” I’ve always been one.
I had a lot of fun growing up. I played every sport I could. Rugby, cricket, tennis, judo, running (1500m and Cross Country) archery, BMX racing and some casual dirt bike riding in the bush.
My least average sport in primary school was distance running. At that time, a “great distance running coach” started teaching at our school. To make a long story short- till this day I’ve never hurt as much as I did during those training and racing days. As 10- 13 year olds, we often ran twice a day, puking at the end of a training session was a badge of honour, and at the tender age of 11 I had my 1st proper running injury, and started heavily investing in the Physiotherpy industry. (Wonder what my stocks are worth by now?!)
And then there were the head games: Before one important race, the coach once took us around the 400m track, made us look down each stretch, and tried to convince us each section was downhill. When he proclaimed the last section of the oval track was downhill too, I chimed in: “but its impossible- a round track cant be downhill all the way.”
Needless to say, my friends and I hated and feared racing- we got so nervous before events, some puked before AND after racing.
At the age of 13 I was so over running, when I saw a picture of a triathlete in the newspaper, I saw escape from the pressure and the oval track and promptly bought my first half a road bike for R800. (US$80) (my mom bought the other half) Raced my 1st triathlon (Sprint distance) at the age 14. It took me a year to switch over to triathlon, because I had to learn to swim first!
Which I think qualifies me to talk about Kids and sport:
1) Make sure the kids have fun.
If kids learn to LOVE sport, they’re likely to do it forever and ever. Just depends at which level. Probably to be dertermined in adulthood, by their talent, time and personality. I’m using “sport” loosely here. It can be any activity. I’d want my kids to do (some) sport their entire lives. Man is not made to rotate between the couch, office chair, car seat, bed and bar stool… I’d strangle myself with my tie in the first month.
2) Teach skills.
Its proven that kids (under 18) learn skills faster and to a greater extent than adults. Those guys doing tripple back flips on motorbikes didnt learn to ride bikes some time after varsity.
Once kids have skills they have them forever, and can later choose to pursue sport at a higher level if thats their wish- once they are old enought to start structured training.
There is waaaaay too much emphasis on kids winning. Swimming, rugby and tennis (and apparently MotoCross) parents are notorious for pressuring kids to PERFORM and WIN. When I meet kids after their race, I ask them “did you have fun?” or “which part did you enjoy most?” Guess in which mental state do I race and train at my peak? When I’m enjoying the process. Sure, there’s pain, but racing at this level, pain is part of the process and a sign that you’re doing it right. If I didnt enjoy what I was doing, I wouldnt be here at age 40 and certainly wouldnt be winning.
Show them how in a relaxed and playful way. But it has to be fun. The moment there is angst or tears, switch to something else, (skillset or activity) you can always return later once their “stoke” has returned. If you dont have the skills, find someone who has. Or even better, get the whole family in and learn together…
3) Grow confidence. Start with something easily attainable, (make sure they have the skills and fitness to accomplish it easily) then gradually let them grow at their own pace- as they keep learning skills and gaining fitness. Praise them for learning and having fun and “playing nice”.
Make it a playfull game instead of a “lesson” or “dad is going to yell at you till you get it right” session.
Encourage them without heaping pressure to achieve. The key here is the process, and not the result. And above all- Stay away from “winning”. They can do that when they’re grown up. If THEY want.
IF your kid is a fast, fire breathing racing snake, you have to work very carefully. You want to encourage the growth to keep it fun, but also help your child learn and train with a little more structure and guidance. Have a few chats with a scientific coach to get some outline of how kids train. (its less than you think!) Even better, join a group under good guidance. If you dont have one, wait a year or 2, I’m to starting up a kids learning center soonish.
4) Teach values: Teaching your kids good values is more important than teaching them skills or a sport. Values is something they will carry through their life and should be the foundation. But sport is probably one of the best tools to lay this foundation with. There are many values, but I’d like to highlight a few: Good sportsmanship, taking responsibility for yourself and equipment, respect (for yourself, your teammates, your coach and for your opponents), sacrifice & reward- what you put in is what you get out, “cheating – no matter how small – is never an option”, thankfulness – for the opportunity, event, organisers, participants and volunteers who made it possible for you to participate, and whichever values you’d want to work into your childs’ moral fibre.
Next blog: 1 day till XTERRA: Hydration and fuelling
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